Just put on your fuzzy poncho and kiss 2020 good-by

By Delilah McMasters

Mansfield Record

On the countdown to Christmas and the end of the year, and I’m thinking about both constantly right now. Between worrying about if I got everything ordered and shipped, and if it’s even necessary to pretend I have a New Years resolution, I’m a big ball of anxiety!

Fifteen days and counting until Christmas and I’m mentally going through my list, totally zoning and listening to Christmas music and the car navigation. I exit the interstate, merge into the left hand lane and never knew I nearly hit a lady until she pulled up beside me, motioned for me to roll the window down and proceeded to yell at me. I apologized profusely! Felt awful! Apologized some more! She continued to yell and I panicked and screamed, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” She got this confused look, her mouth opened, closed, and then she drove off. The only saving grace from this experience is neither of us will ever have to see each other again.

Eight days until Christmas I’m standing in Ross at 11:45 p.m. picking up cute socks to add to Christmas bags. Why 11:45 p.m.? Because I can’t sleep and I think I’ll be safe from COVID if  no one is there! But someone is there and as I’m making my selection of fuzzy socks this woman keeps hovering near me. The whole store is empty and we, both at the same time of night, thought, “I better run to Ross right now and buy fuzzy socks!”

I tried to be respectful, social distanced, smiled through my mask. But she kept getting close to me. And, yep, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” And before she could recover from the awkwardness of having someone in PJs and and a fuzzy poncho yell, “Merry Christmas” and run for the check out like it was a game of “you’re it,” I dashed for the car and never made eye contact again.

Ten days until the end of 2020 and I feel like we are all in some insane, surreal reality show waiting to see who is going to crack and won’t be allowed back into polite society next season. I’m one “MERRY  CHRISTMAS” away from being banished to the Dr. Phil Show and being retrained to roll my eyes and politely say, “Bless your heart...” or exiled to the HSN to co-host segments on the versatility of fuzzy ponchos in your wardrobe.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, MERRY CHRISTMAS and GET OFF MY LAWN 2020!  Hope everyone has a safe holiday and we all make it back into polite society with plenty of social acceptance (big eye roll) and then ones that don’t, well, I know where there is a good sale on fuzzy ponchos.

Delilah McMasters is a local resident and the mother of six. Reach her at BlessYourHeart76063@gmail.com

‍