The Idle American: A capital moment

It wasn’t something he expected to find in his rural mail box. However, my Uncle Mort opened the envelope joyously; it was from his great nephew.

He thought immediately about his kin’s spread deep in Arkansas. In the envelope was a fancy invitation equal to any he’d ever seen for weddings or graduation ceremonies. (Mort and Maude once received a graduation invitation addressed to occupants.)

Fears were allayed when he spotted the “no gifts please” phrase. They decided to attend upon learning that their third-grade kin had made it to the finals of her school’s annual current events contest.

Fueling their decision were plane tickets to Little Rock, as well as a pre-paid rental car to take them from state highways to dirt roads, to lanes and to a sign reading “Dead End - Don’t even think of going further.”

They decided to gussy up for the trip. Mort and Maude dreamed of leading cheers for their great-great grand niece, who advanced to the championship round with five other finalists, all of them boned up on topics of geography and government. Neither of them thought of the old English proverb warning that there’s “many a slip twixt cups and lips.”

The luck of the draw revealed that their niece would face opening questions. They chuckled a bit when she correctly answered, “Washington, D.C.” as the nation’s capital. The teacher didn’t move on, asking “What does D.C. stand for?”

The little girl was stumped, but offered two possibilities, neither of which was accurate. The teacher grimaced upon hearing “Dot Com.” Then, the youngster decided that a better answer might be “Data Centers.” Her kinfolks bawled; she teared up, too. Mort tried to console her, reminding how deftly she had answered all questions in previous rounds, including the one about “truths and lies.”

Thankfully, her deep dive into the topic revealed that what sometimes are labeled lies today may have been called “terminological inexactitudes” earlier.

It was late Governor Earl K. (Uncle Earl) Long who cut to the chase with a classic response during his first run for governor of Louisiana. He served three times,1939-40, l948-1952 and 1956-1960. Perhaps better known was his uncle, Senator and former Governor Huey P. Long.

Several bridges and other cites are named in honor of the Longs, but mostly for Huey, who came along first. To describe both of them as colorful would be akin to observations of Joseph’s coat of many colors.

The niece of M&M (Mortimer and Maude) repeated an oft-told story attributed to Governor Earl, probably when he was plumb tuckered out during his first campaign. It is said that he promised state jobs for political leaders of each parish (county is the term used in most states).

When he was elected, dozens of parish leaders stormed the capitol to claim promised jobs.

Long’s PR guy feverishly asked Governor Long THE BIG QUESTION: “What should he tell them? He answered calmly, saying “Tell ‘em I lied,” he is said to have responded, without so much as looking up.

It seems that the many shenanigans - attributed to both Longs almost a century ago - haven’t gone away.

A couple of proverbs, one attributed to a French author, is familiar. “The more things change, the more they remain the same.”

The other usually is stated without credit to its initial use. No one seems to know who first stated it, so it is blurry in history. “What goes around, comes around.”

The late Bill Moyers - distinguished author and former press secretary during the presidency of Lyndon B. Johnson - got it right concerning the importance of truth at all levels. His policy - as he dealt with members of the press across America - was simply this: Whenever possible, tell the truth, but never, ever lie.

In these tense times, let us hope for the reduction of “terminological inexactitudes” that infest our state and nation.

A rose by any other name remains a rose, just as “terminological inexactitudes,” finally, are lies.

Dr. Don Newbury, longtime chancellor of Howard Payne University, lives in the Metroplex. Email: newbury@speakerdoc.com. Phone: 817-447-3872.