The Idle American: Did they really say that?

Maybe folks started listening for goofs when radio became a luxury during the Great Depression. (Until then, I suppose they occurred most often in simple, face-to-face communication, or maybe with megaphones.)

For the longest time, Harry von Zell’s alleged foul-up - purportedly heard from sea to shining sea when radio was yet young - has to be among the funniest ever.

Ostensibly, his 1931 script should have been simple. The story goes that the young CBS announcer had only to say: “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Mr. Herbert Hoover.” He was thought to have said, however, ‘Mr. Hoobert Heever.’”

Von Zell joined right in - happy to laugh at himself - and the blooper took wings.

Not until years later did von Zell set the story straight. It dates back for 44 years, and the announcer wasn’t about to renounce the account at the time. In the early 1930s, Americans looked for reasons to smile when they weren’t looking for food.

He didn’t initially speak of his goof, one that was needed for national levity.

Here’s how he corrected things more than four decades later. CBS had set aside an almost three-hour time block to celebrate the president’s birthday. “He was even in a different state at the time, and likely didn’t even hear my blunder,” the late von Zell said. “I’d rehearsed the line at least 20 times before the broadcast, but my ‘tang got tongled’ on the 21st effort - the one that counted,” von Zell confessed.

Rumors, of course, spread like the wildest of fires; Americans laughed until plumb wore out

Late comedian, Jimmy Durante (1883-1980), had a great story about ending each weekly radio show for years, always with, “Good night, Mrs. Calabash... wherever you are.”

For a couple of decades, he chose to keep details to himself. This became a take your choice situation; details became twisted, and assorted rumors took over. Most believe it was a “goodnight wish” to his late wife, Jeanne, who loved Calabash, a tiny North Carolina fishing village. “When I get rich, I’ll buy the town for you,” he is claimed to have said, but she died about a decade later, before reaching national stardom.

She died of a heart attack in 1943, and Durante started his well-remembered “good night” wish three years later. His network radio show, remembered for his warmth, comedy and rinky-tink piano, was most popular from 1943-1950. (He’s worth YouTubing.)

Why not Texanize a tradition, one that has endeared a 91-year-old grandfather to his 11 grandkids for years?

The younger set relishes Chinese food, and granddad Jimmie Keeling of Abilene, still enjoys taking them out to Chinese restaurants, and, of course, picking up the check.

Over the years, they’ve greatly enjoyed reading the fortune cookie messages. The kids read their first, then it’s Jimmie’s turn to read, and his message never changes: “Don’t you ever die, you good-looking devil, you!”

They’re all grown now, and his youngest is a freshman football player at Hardin-Simmons University.

One of Texas’ most revered coaches, Keeling was distinguished during 30-plus years in high schools, then for 21 years when the Hardin-Simmons University Cowboys’ resumed their football program. His honors there are legion; suffice it to say that he led the Cowboys to national play-offs 11 times.

In his mid-1970s, he retired, choosing to spend more time with his family.

I’m in awe of Keeling’s record, as are thousands of others.

We both are alumni of Howard Payne University, albeit I came along a couple of years later.

During my presidency there decades later, I compared our transcripts. It was no contest; he won it, too.

(One of my only youthful honors was my distinction for being most likely to remain left-handed during my senior year at Early High School.)

Transcripts don’t measure impact on the lives of others. If they did, his would reflect “all A-pluses.”

Keeling - in the tradition of Baylor’s Grant Teaff, Texas A&M’s R. C. Slocum and Kansas State’s Bill

Snyder - is as good as it gets.

Newbury, longtime chancellor of Howard Payne University, lives in the Metroplex. Email: newbury@speakerdoc.com. Phone: 817-447-3872l

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