Is my son a player or just too particular?

December 18, 2020
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Wanted your opinion on  “relationships.” My son is 29 and has had numerous girlfriends and each time I think to myself “this is the one.” Then I figure out on Facebook that they are done. One girl in particular I was willing to propose to her to be my daughter-in-law.

I just want him to find a girl that he will marry and start on the path of life with. He has dated girls with and without kids. Some have been divorced and some still single. He is such a loner and I don't understand that. (I'm definitely not.)

So fast forward, a few months ago he brought a girl to visit us for the weekend and I really thought “she's the one.”Nope! Broke up!

He doesn't talk openly with me very often, so last week he told me that they aren't who they portray themselves to be in the beginning. I try to explain that dating and getting to know someone is the hardest part. You have to learn each other’s habits, good and bad. There are so many emotions going on, especially for the girls (my opinion).

He feels that dating should be the best part, no controversy at all. He shuts down, refuses to argue. He honestly feels dating is the honeymoon stage and I definitely disagree with him!

So what is your verdict?

Want a DIL

Dear Wanting,

It’s hard for our kids to connect in relationships today, between competing with phones and social media, “Keeping up with the Jones” has been taken to a whole new level. There are such unfair expectations for dating couples to have the perfect relationships to post and share, without any of the reality of the ugly truth or down time needed for getting to know one another.

Add to this the philosophy of putting yourself first, never be second, blah, blah, blah. This doesn’t work in a relationship! It’s not give and take, it’s give and give, and knowing some days you come in second place, some days the attention and the “likes” aren’t on you, some days you are the support!

Right now focus on the facts: Your son has a job and is supporting himself, or he wouldn’t be actively dating. He’s putting himself out there, so he is wanting a relationship, it’s not just a hook up he’s after. And he must be a good guy if he’s dating women with children, because that’s some next level commitment!

He’s 29, give him time, he’s got a lot of living and loving to do, and with each girlfriend he’s making a list of the pros and cons of what he’s looking for in a long-term relationship!

As far as what to tell the grandkids IF they ask, well, it depends on how old the grandkids are and what kind of grandma you are, because telling them their uncle is a player, horn dog, or Don Juan might be over the top for some. Maybe say he has a big heart and is making sure he has the right woman to share it with and until he finds her we are all on this journey together!

Delilah McMasters is a local resident and the mother of six. Reach her at

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