I was raised better than this

By Delilah McMasters

Mansfield Record

OK, now that Christmas is over I’m going to help some of y’all out for Valentine’s Day because I know some of y’all got complaints or were rubbed the wrong way at Christmas. You see, I messed up at Christmas, I got something that was a little questionable? Like I didn’t know why I got it, but I did sort of know why, but it didn’t make sense in my current situation, and my face and response showed it. I’m not going to be vague about this, I’m going to lay it all out there, but only because I’ve already discussed it with Rico.

Rico says I’m hard to shop for. I’m not. I’m pretty simple. I like pajamas, books, old toys and junk, cute earrings, springbok puzzles, electric throws and any kind of fun footwear. Charms and perfume if you want to spend a little more. The problem is, in all honesty, I don’t need any of those things. I have plenty of all of it, but in my mind I can’t ever have too much of some of those things. I’m stockpiling puzzles and pajamas for retirement. I want a charm bracelet so loaded down I’m using it to keep my arms buff. I want a different pair of earrings and shoes for every day of the year. Why? Because I’m a hoarder. But Rico doesn’t see it that way.

Men see it as, “why does she need more of what she’s got?” or “Great! Pajamas every year! Done!”

Rico got me a battery-heated puffer vest. You know, like down-filled with heating on the upper back and pockets. It’s amazing. You can charge it with your phone if you get caught in a blizzard going out for donuts. Or if the office you work in keeps it at -10, forget that sweater! Grab your puffer vest and stay cozy all day.

Once upon a time when I stayed at home and worked in my yard or ran errands, this would have been awesome. Now I’m sitting in an office, rarely work outside, and well, let’s face it, I’m carrying around some extra insulation and hot flashes to see me through the winter months. Wearing this vest might cause me to spontaneously combust. When I opened it my face was all, WTH, is there a ticket to Alaska? Is there about to be another freeze and no electricity? I don’t duck hunt.

I should have said, “thank you! This is exactly what I’ve always wanted!” Instead I looked down at the dog to see if he got a sled and harness.

Long story short, I went around feeling like an ass in short sleeves and Rico went into full-blown self pity for picking out a heated vest. I was raised better, I promise. I know to say thank you, I know to be appreciative. But my face doesn’t know how to mask the confusion. I know I’m not the only one this happened to, lots of women I know have similar stories.

And now Valentine’s Day is around the corner, patiently waiting for us to vindicate ourselves by doing better. And here we are sitting at the stop sign wondering if we can keep the confusion off our face when those frilly nighties or thongs show up.

So, here is my tip:

I don’t have one. Practice accepting gifts graciously in front of the mirror? Make sure there is a gift receipt? Write a poem? Or just buy candy for every occasion and be done. And for goodness sakes, if you see me out in my vest, tell Rico how awesome it is!

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Delilah McMasters is a local resident and the mother of six. Reach her at BlessYourHeart76063@gmail.com.

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